Day 2

The last day of Winter Break. Sigh, but no sigh. It is great to have all the time off, but then without any real plans I end up feeling misplaced and wonder what should I do with myself? Of course, I should just relax and enjoy the beauty of having nothing to do. To always be doing--something, anything--has been hardwired in my brain to mean productivity, success, the absence of laziness and being a loser. Idelness was never something I was taught to admire, so I struggle when I am provided the opportunity to indulge in it. This is why Mike is good for my heart and soul. My husband knows how to truly relax and just be. To not have to feel obligated to be doing something. For me, it is refreshing to have somebody say "So what?" when I had an unproductive day. It makes me feel like I am still worthy. I am still a productive human being, even if I enjoy some lazy days. I shouldn't need that extra reassurance, but I do, and it is wonderful that he can provide it. Today Mike and I went for a walk through the backside of Lakenheath. It was a brisk day. Deceivingly so, as the sun was shining. What would a day out in England be without some sheep? These little guys gave me an awe momwnt as they seemed extra fuzzy today.

My final thought for today: I read a passage from Alistair Begg in which he said a bunch about starting a new year, but the part that struck me said for those who are prone to melancholy to avoid nostalgia. I found this very intrigueing as it is a fitting reminder to myself, as I do have my share of melancholic days. It's interesting how the two coincide too, upon further thought. It's often the days I feel sad that I start thinking up old memories to make me more sad. The two can drag you down into a woe as me, pity party really quick! Perhaps he is right, and I should avoid some nostalgia and focus on being more present.